Women in the workplace who don’t help us or, even worse, stand in our way or make our path to the top harder. They exist in all workplaces, including throughout the legal profession. The supervisor who thinks your path needs to be every bit as hard as hers. The one who gives you brutal public “feedback” in the name of making you strong enough to survive in a man’s world. The one who slept her way to the top. The one who never had children and stops supporting you when you announce you’re pregnant. A 2009 study by the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) [quoted in WSJ, with paywall] found that female workplace bullies pick on other women 70 percent of the time. The study is particularly bad news because it also found that male bullies are equal opportunity—bullying men and women in similar amounts—which means that women get bullied by men and women at work.

The WBI study is consistent with my own experience. Especially when I was younger and less experienced, almost every woman I encountered in my workplaces made things more difficult. Some did so in the name of “helping” me; others made no pretense of doing so. Then, as I became more senior, many women acted as competitors rather than colleagues. While the guys demanded that their bros be included in cases or deals they were running, and then offered each other rides on their private jets or opened their vacation homes to each other, I rarely saw women do the same. Since starting this newsletter, I’ve received many emails from women lawyers making the same observations: there are undoubtedly women lawyers who hinder other women.

In 2006, former Secretary of State Madeline Albright gave a keynote speech at the Celebrating Inspiration luncheon with the WNBA’s All-Decade Team where she said the words quoted at the top of this article. There is indeed a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. But, as discussed below, while we may rightfully resent them, those women are already living in their own hell—one largely created by men.

A Few Ideas About Those Who Don’t Help Us

There are many theories about why women may not support other women in the workplace. Some are more insightful than others.

The first and most common theory is just one of scarcity. Few women make it to the upper echelons of the legal profession, so those who do sometimes protect their turf rather than seek to expand it to include more women. (However, as one study found, it’s usually not a woman, but a male chief executive, who blocks the promotion of “yet another” woman.) A related theory suggests that to get to the top women needed to act more like men, so they act aggressively towards other women viewed as potential competition.

A second theory, regrettably labeled the “DIY Bootstrap Theory,” assumes that women who’ve “made it” don’t want to give other women assistance they did not receive themselves. Women expect the women who follow them to navigate the same hardships they conquered.

A third theory posits that women at the top are afraid of being seen as supporting women and need to distance themselves from other women in order to maintain their position. As you might imagine, this type of syndrome is most often seen in male-dominated workplaces: women will distance themselves from other women where it benefits them to do so.

A fourth theory, condescendingly referred to as “Queen Bee” syndrome, posits that women just can’t get along with each other—that we’re just genetically a bunch of mean girls. This, of course, is based on stereotypes about women unsupported by any facts. In one experiment cited by the New York Times, researchers asked people to read about a workplace conflict between two women, two men, or a man and a woman. Even though the conflict was identical, when the case study was between two women, the participants saw it as more damaging to the relationship and expected the women involved to be more likely to quit. When the case study involved two men, the participants saw the dispute as merely indicative of expected or normal conflicts in the workplace.

What to Make of This

Ultimately, I’m not sure any of the above theories accurately or helpfully explain why certain women don’t help other women. And, if you’re dealing with one of these women, trying to fit her into one of those theories isn’t going to make your situation even easier. What may help, however, is to realize that the behavior of women like this arises from deep misogyny in our profession that many women have internalized. While we don’t have to like or admire women who have hurt us, I think it’s important for us to stop saying things like “I hate women bosses” or “women are such bitches,” because that perpetuates stereotypes about all of us. Rather, we should realize that these women are products of a profession run by men that rewarded their behaviors—and direct our ire towards that aspect of the profession.

After all, it’s likely that if you are in a workplace that supports the development of women lawyers, you won’t find too many women trying to thwart your advance. Conversely, if you’re working for a woman who doesn’t help other women, you’re probably in a workplace where there is only one token place for a woman at the top, or where, regardless of gender, an abusive supervisor is allowed to persist or rewarded for her behavior. Neither is a good situation.

In addition to making sure that we blame our workplaces and our profession rather than individual women, there are other things we can do. Turn over every stone to find women who help other women because they are supported and rewarded for doing so. Find employers where there isn’t just a token woman at the top, and where women’s accomplishments are touted as much as (or more than!) men’s. One of the many reasons I’m writing this newsletter is to create a community where women lawyers can find these types of places. We need to amplify them so that they become the rule rather than the exception.

All of us, including me, can work on promoting other women lawyers. Erin Gallagher does regular posts on LinkedIn that she introduces with the hashtag #hypewomen. (She has an awesome podcast by the same name.) Do the same thing in your workplace and in public.

Most importantly, don’t just support women; support women who support other women. Let’s start to create a world where women who fail to support other women aren’t rewarded for that behavior.

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