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What I'm Reading and Thinking
An issue for when my thoughts are all over the place

Greetings, Comes Now readers. The first week of 2025 was a busy one. Because of that—or also because my thoughts were tuned to southern California—I haven’t just been thinking about a single issue. For that reason I’ve returned once again to a “What I’m Reading and Thinking” newsletter, where I talk about my thoughts on several different things in a single issue. Let’s go!
Parents Minimizing Work Relationships to Make Time for Childcare
The Harvard Business Review [paywall] had an article about a study of 72 professionals at a pharmaceutical company, professional services organization, and a university. The researchers found that those who had young children “managed” their interactions at work in order to save time. These management practices included:
Turning down invitations to lunch, not going to departmental social hours, and never initiating casual conversations.
Hiding from coworkers by working from home or sneaking off to the bathroom when everyone else was in a work meeting.
Scheduling back-to-back meetings to minimize the chance of chit-chat between them.
Redirecting meeting conversations from non-work activities to the tasks at hand.
The researchers observed that these management practices understandably had a cost: parents who used them not only ended up having weaker relationships with their colleagues but didn’t realize that others in their workplaces had stronger ones. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of the people who had these weaker relationships were mothers.
The researchers therefore recommended that working parents recognize that non-work discussions have political advantages at work. They also recommended that managers structure work in a way that works for parents (so they can participate in social activities) and evaluate employees on results rather than putting in time.

Gif by cskonopka on Giphy
Memory Loss From Experiencing Structural Sexism
A troubling study conducted by researchers at Columbia University’s Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons found that women born into the most sexist U.S. states experienced faster memory decline in their later years compared to women born in the least sexist states. In fact, the difference between being born into the most versus the least sexist state was equivalent to nine years of cognitive aging. The study found that this difference was greatest among Black women.
The study calculated each state’s level of structural sexism during the decades the women they studied were born based on the male-to-female ratios in the labor force, the number of females in state legislatures, poverty rates, and other factors.
Importantly, the study was studying the effects of structural sexism (inequality in resources and power that stem from social policies and societal norms) rather than the effects of individual experiences of sexism.
The researchers found their results to be consistent with previous studies finding that exposure to greater structural sexism—like greater structural racism—is associated with higher mortality rates, increased risk of chronic health conditions, and less accessible and affordable health care for women.
Why Passionate Mediocre Men Succeed Where Passionate Women Don’t
The Harvard Business Review had another infuriating article [paywall] in December discussing upcoming research in the journal Organization Science exploring why passionate men succeed even when they’re mediocre. They found that, while when men express passion it’s often seen as a promising indicator of diligence and leadership capacity, when women display the same passion it’s often seen as inappropriate.
The researchers explained this dichotomy as a direct result of the double standards for men and women in the workplace. According to the “underapplied genius” stereotype, men who are not fully utilizing their abilities is attributed to a lack of effort or focus. Thus, when it comes to underperforming men, people tend to think that if only those men would work harder, they could succeed. This leads people to misinterpret the male expression of passion as an indicator of dedication, and therefore potential.
Conversely, because women are expected to be diligent and hard-working, when they express passion they are merely doing what’s expected. Even worse, because diligence is expected, any passion they express can, as we’ve discussed before, be misinterpreted as overly emotional and therefore inappropriate.
The researchers recommended what most researchers recommend for workplaces seeking to mitigate gender bias: use objective evaluation criteria, encourage direct conversations over emotional displays, broaden the criteria for high-performance, and conduct regular “bias audits.” Finally, they recommended that companies “consider raising the bar for moderately performing men.” You don’t say!
A Horrible Headline
The Times was justifiably skewered for its headline reporting the results of a new study by scientists published in The Economic Journal. The study found that, when a wife starts to out-earn her husband, there is a higher risk of mental health issues for both members of the couple, but especially for the husbands, who are 11% more likely to be eventually diagnosed with a mental health problem.
The Times headline? “Men are sadder when their wives earn more, study finds.” The first paragraph was even worse:
Women, if you have a husband think carefully before you take a promotion. Will it make him sad? There’s a chance it will — especially if, in doing so, you become the main earner.
Think carefully?!! Because when we are offered a position that will earn more money than our husbands we should— above all else—be worried about the effect on our poor husbands. . . .
A Compelling but Slightly OT Book
Lots of you were inspired by my last issue to read Connie Chung’s new memoir. In the spirit of sharing great books, I have another recommendation. I recently finished Legacy: A Black Physician Reckons with Racism in Medicine by Uché Blackstock. It’s both her personal story as a Black physician and an exploration of the racism in medicine. I learned a lot from the book, but my favorite part of the book was towards the end, when Blackstock leaves her academic position at NYU and begins to reckon with racism she’s encountered throughout her career but never previously faced. I guess I’m into “reckoning” books these days. I highly recommend this one.
If you’re enjoying this newsletter, please share it with others and encourage them to subscribe. I draft it on Beehiiv (Comes Now (beehiiv.com)) and distribute it on Tuesday evening, but also post the issue as a LinkedIn newsletter on Wednesday mornings.
I also now post Comes Now issues on Instagram! (I just post a link to new issues; I don’t add additional content—yet.) You can find those postings at Comes.Now
Have a topic you’d like me to address? Want to tell me where I got something right or wrong? Send me an email at [email protected]
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