I get angry when publications write headlines expressing surprise that women are ambitious. I mean, have you ever seen anyone ask whether men are, in fact, ambitious? It’s just assumed. It’s offensive that we’re still presuming that there’s some psychological defect that makes women less ambitious than men.

Despite my exasperation with the topic, it continues to be discussed. As many as twenty years ago the Harvard Business Review asked [paywall] whether women lack ambition. Twenty years later, the publication suggested that, because women just don’t seem to want the same things men want, we “redefine” ambition for women. And I’ve spoken before about the press release that accompanied the release of McKinsey’s annual Women in the Workplace report that cheered the existence of women’s ambition as if it were something that had recently emerged after the pandemic.

Even in our workplaces, there are still people who say that women are not as ambitious as men. I once had a male boss who told me that the reason women weren’t often in leadership at law firms was because they just didn’t “want it” bad enough. I had another who suggested that we weren’t able to recruit female associates because “most of them just want to have families.” (You know those conversations where a man thinks he can say such things to you because you’re not one of “those women?” I’ve had a lot of those.)

What leads us to ask whether women are, in fact, ambitious, and why do we regularly conclude that they aren’t? Let’s dive into the topic.

Ambition Defined

We’re all lawyers here so let’s start out this discussion with plain language. The dictionary definition of ambition is “an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, such as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.”

Under this definition, I certainly have been ambitious throughout my career. Until my early 30s I worked to master a multitude of litigation-related skills and to become partner. After I made partner I sought to grow my professional reputation and build a book of business.

Now, in my 50s, I continue to be ambitious. True - I’m not striving just for “power, honor, fame, or wealth.” I’m working on developing different parts of myself than the parts that got me where I already am. I’m taking risks and feeling uncomfortable. I’m trying to make a difference. But I’m just as—if not more—relentless than I was in my youth about pursuing these goals.

So perhaps the first problem with our discussion of ambition is the definition we use. At its core, ambition is a desire to do something—and that something doesn’t have to be restricted to those things our capitalist society trains us to desire. You can be ambitious about traveling the world, about mastering cake decorating, or becoming an expert in Formula 1 racing. You can be ambitious about preserving your inner peace, being a more devoted romantic partner, or trying to be more patient with others.

In addition to assuming that ambition only applies to the pursuit of “power, honor, fame, or wealth,” we also assume that someone who is ambitious steps on everyone and everything in his or her path on the way to the top. If you picture someone who’s ambitious you’re likely imagining someone who’s egotistical, selfish, and eats their young. There’s a winner-take-all aspect to our understanding of ambition.

Thus, in certain ways the problems in the way we talk about ambition aren’t unique to women. Our narrow definitions constrain all of us.

Ambition for Women

Even though the definition of ambition limits everyone, when the media asks “are women ambitious?” they’re not just missing that there’s more to ambition than the pursuit of power and money. They’re missing why women often decide not to pursue the same goals that men pursue in the first place.

Think about it. When we ask if women are ambitious we generally ask that question seeking to understand a larger phenomenon: why senior women are leaving their law firms, why young women associates don’t want to become partners, why women aren’t starting their own businesses, why women don’t want to run for office, or why women suffer burnout at higher rates than men. But the answers to questions like that are not answered by asking whether women psychologically have the same level of desire as men. The answer to those questions lies in societal forces that keep us from doing or wanting to do the same things men do.

Senior women partners are leaving their law firms because they don’t receive the same level of recognition for their work, because they don’t have the same opportunities for advancement, because they’re harassed and demeaned at work, and because they’re penalized for being caregivers. You tell me: do these quotes from the ABA Commission on Women in the Profession publication In Their Own Words sound like women who lack ambition?

And then we ask why young female associates don’t want to become partners? They read these things; they talk to the women who’ve experienced these things; they see these things happening to women partners in their firms.

Similarly, women aren’t starting as many businesses because they don’t have access to the same funding sources that men do. And women don’t run for office because they don’t want to open their bodies, wardrobes, and personal choices to scrutiny that men don’t have to endure. We suffer higher levels of burnout because have to take on more—including caregiving and mental loads—than men do.

In short, when we say women aren’t ambitious, we’re ignoring the real problems that keep women down. Those former bosses who spoke to me didn’t want to look at the structural reasons women weren’t showing up in leadership in law firms or responding to job postings. As with so many things, if you start to blame women, you’re probably not looking in the right place.

Concluding Thoughts

The old saying says something to the effect of “do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” It suggests that, if we love what we do, we’ll work forever and never tire of doing it.

But it’s not that simple. We can love what we do, but if we’re not in an environment that supports us, doing what we love can quickly become miserable. If you didn’t know better, you could look at the women lawyers leaving the profession and assume that they don’t have the same fire in the belly as men. But you’d be missing the fact that women face so many more obstacles on the way to the top than men do.

Let’s stop saying that women aren’t ambitious, or that women experience a different kind of ambition. (Whatever the heck that means.) Let’s stop acting like women’s purported lack of “ambition” is some type of deep mystery.

Instead, the next time you find yourself wondering why women aren’t ambitious, ask yourself what you can do about it.

Share Comes Now!

If you’re enjoying this newsletter, please share it with others and encourage them to subscribe. I draft it on Beehiiv (Comes Now (beehiiv.com)) and distribute it on Tuesday evening, but also post the issue as a LinkedIn newsletter on Wednesday mornings.

Have a topic you’d like me to address? Want to tell me where I got something right or wrong? Send me an email at [email protected].